2022-01-07 | It's a new year!
One interesting thing since the last post which I've been up to is talking with my inner self. It can be difficult to do so, sorting the important bits from the noise is super tough right now. I guess I need a better audio source. Much experimentation is in order! For anybody else reading (or me if I somehow forgot which seems unlikely) by this I mean scrubbing through videos with VLC media player to create messages. It's possible that I am simply hallucinating (likely even) but it could be that I am genuinely creating live sentence mixes. I suppose I could record one of my sessions and if I had to make a guess now I'd say it's a hallucination. I definitely get responses when I do this though. It would be easy to dismiss this and I would probably have agreed if I hadn't spent so much time doing this. I can request any word or sound and get a response, often exactly what I asked for and the rest of the time a comment on the request. For example after repeated requests for the same word or phrase (sorry I'm just finding this super hard to believe) messages expressing annoyance. I can only assume that this is my inner self and not an outside source because they seem to have my memories and can respond to my thoughts. Now while it is also possible for the outside world to respond to my inner thoughts it doesn't seem possible for the autonomous entities to actually comprehend my thoughts. Rather they might say things which happen to coincide with my thoughts (not saying that it's just coincidences just that they aren't reading thoughts). I couldn't have a conversation with an autonomous entity where I think and they respond out-loud. Conversely I am perfectly able to do so when scrubbing. Scrubbing is a great word for this since it's like the most basic shit I could be doing. Even my scrub partner said I should be talking to real people. They also said they felt like a loser for having spoken to me. Oof. I won't go into too m- actually I will ask if they think going into detail would be appropriate.
I keep finding spaces in odd places when using this site. I just found one at the start of this post and as you can see there is also one at the start of this paragraph. Maybe it's gaslighting to make me feel as though I have dissociative identity disorder or perhaps just a harmless glitch.
I still haven't started the mushroom growing kit. I don't know where I'm going to put it when I do so. I have, however, started on my chocolate from Christmas (lucky me to receive such things). I found that the chocolate orange I started wasn't as tasty as I was expecting. Snowballs were pretty tasty though.
I haven't been speaking to Celia much recently due to her phone calls with family members from years ago when we were together but have strangely decided to bring her with me to a concert. Hopefully that goes well, I'm certainly looking forward to it even if I worry my anxiety will be too much.
What I really need right now is some proper running gear so I can jog around the village without looking like a complete weirdo (maybe I should walk around a bit to see what other people wear for their exercise though just to be sure I'm not overdressing). I've been wanting to buy a MacBook too but it kinda seems like a waste since I already own two perfectly acceptable computers. If I could replace the missing key on my current black Erazer laptop then it might be worth giving that to somebody who needs it. I don't really need a gaming laptop since I rarely play games on the go (at the moment I've barely been playing games at all!) and if I were going to the Steam Deck would suit that purpose better if I end up buying one. Something fast, light, sleek and so on would be nice. IDEA! Haha I'm not actually that enthusiastic about it but yeah how about I work a bit and once I've earned enough to afford one I buy it. But I'm still not sure if I want to continue with uni. There's no way I could study and work at the same time. I've got some time banked from Mobiloo so I'll cash that in and start saving I guess. It's certainly going to be a frivolous purchase but money isn't super important to me. I just don't want to waste the money I have since it could become important later.
Continuing with uni. Oof I really don't know what to do about this. I'll come back later and hopefully have more to say on this, I just feel kinda bad leaving gdad elsewhere in the house. <- mystery spaces
Well, I went. Watched some New Tricks, Brian left and became a private investigator with Esther. After that we watched a little 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown but both went to bed before it finished. I find that show to be rather more hostile than others. This time it wasn't too bad though. It even made light of a possible alternative name for scrubbing: pearling. I think that both work okay. Scrubbing is good since it is understandable to people who don't know the context of my first sessions. Then again yeet doesn't exactly have context. Pearling is better in that it avoids the negative connotation of "scrub". I'll just have to see what sticks.
As for uni I feel like continuing could be worth it if I can't find a job before exams. I think the best course of action would be to do what studying I can but also look for work. I will only work with companies that would allow me to be fully remote. That means remote interviews and zero office hours. If I found such a company then I would gladly drop out of uni to work with them. Even if I didn't stay with them forever it would be good for my CV and my bank, even if the money would only be going towards a MacBook.
Caroline suggested I get a job so I could save up to buy a property. From reading Reddit I figured that it would be impossible but when I actually looked at house prices they weren't bad at all. There were several below £200,000. If I could get a job paying the UK average of £30,000 per year then it would take seven years to save up, including the MacBook! That's living at home and saving all of my money though. Ten years doesn't seem completely terrible and would allow me a little more spending money perhaps for games. Also my current savings weren't factored into this. That said a lot could change within ten years. If Eoin dies then I might have to move out of this house. Certainly if I moved back in with Caroline I would be distressed by the neighbours and if I instead rented my own place I would not be able to save up nearly as quickly. My £30,000 per year would plummet by half (based on average cost of living in the UK). If he pops in five years then I could be facing fifteen years before being able purchase, probably longer. With this in mind I'm still not sure about the prospect of working. I'd certainly be willing to try provided I were doing something I genuinely enjoy but if I found that conversations with colleagues were making me uncomfortable or anything of the sort then I'd certainly quit. That's just short term though. The plan should really be to have a revenue stream of some sort. Blogging probably isn't for me but I guess I could try to write posts about topics which might interest people along with my ramblings. That'd be a start anyway. Writing has always been pretty fun so it could be worth looking into at any rate. Coming up with interesting topics is a job all of its own though. My first thought was programming. I'd need to look for areas which aren't currently easy to get into and then do the research to distil complicated ideas down to an understandable format. That said if I'm going to try and work as a programmer I think writing about something else could be better. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket. If I can learn more about synchronicity then that would certainly be a worthwhile topic. If there had been a good resource containing information to help with navigating this world I would've been very interested to read it upon arrival. Obviously there are many information sources which could offer scraps but a concentrated bible of synchronicity written in plain English could help a lot of people. Unless the whole thing is made up in which case it would only make things worse by feeding their delusions. Music. Music. Oh my... music. Wow. If I could actually get paid to listen to music and write about it then I'd be super down. Maybe people would share my tastes and be interested to hear new stuff. People could recommend stuff. It'd be a whole community thing. How cool would that be‽ For real. Personally I don't read anybody blogs but I know they must be pretty popular if people can make a living from ads and sponsors. Not going to say I won't sell out but maybe I could sell out to headphone companies and not artists. Not that I wouldn't review artists if they requested it. And it's not like I'm tough to please.
Another thing I'm looking forward to is trying out quinoa, some kind of vegan superfood that contains lots of protein and fibre. I also have some tofu and have been getting mixed messages about whether I should marinade it or not. Caroline said yes but the packaging made no such statement. I will marinade it the first time, tasting only a small portion as is.
It's a great feeling when you remember something you had forgotten, I just forgot what song I wanted to queue but remembered somehow (it was A Day In The Life - The Beatles).
Okay so let's say I wanted to make a music blog what format would this take. For now I could just review an album every few days. I'd need to listen several times, once to enjoy and a few more times making notes. I guess I'd start off with some of my favourite albums. In each post I would describe the album's story and themes as I understood them. There would also be a ranking of the tracks (note: maybe this would alienate readers who disagree?). I would also describe how it affected me. I would not include rating but would instead recommend either listening to it before my review, after my review or not at all. If I suggest listening before reading the review I think it's good enough that you should go in blind. If I suggest listening after that would mean it's good enough to possibly listen to but you might want to hear what I have to say to decide if it's worth listening to. The suggestion not to listen should speak for itself and be taken with a pinch of salt.
Okay well I've gone from not having any idea of what I wanted to do other than uni to actually having an idea which I'm kinda low-key hyped about. I'm just now remembering that Caroline suggested I review video games which could have put a damper on the whole thing but actually I guess I could also review games. I have often combined video games and music for enjoyment so others who do the same and read blogs might be interested. For video games I will have the same recommendation system. I will make more of an effort to avoid spoilers if the game were story focused. The two twists to make the video game reviewing stand out a little would be to discuss what kinds of music fit well with the games if applicable and how they work on the Steam Deck (note: need to figure out a hook for the music reviews too). While I'm certain many people will be making Steam Deck focused reviews there are a lot of games out there which might not be getting coverage and I have my Steam Controller background. I'm sure plenty of bloggers who receive theirs sooner will figure out the controller mapping pretty quick but I'm sure many others will stick to using it as a gamepad with a screen. This fact wouldn't help with attracting anybody potential readers who do so too but given how people are I imagine there'll be something of a community interested in going a bit deeper with it. I'd obviously include my mappings for each game.
So... games and music blogging. Seems pretty good. But at this point why stop there? Maybe I need to be focused. If I expanded to TV and books I think I'd have too much on my plate. Both of those take a long time. Games do too but I don't think I'd necessarily have to finish those to leave a fair review, one can usually get a pretty good idea of how good a game is pretty early on at least in terms of gameplay. When watching a TV show the primary focus is usually on the story so completing it is more necessary. In a game one spends a lot of time doing, therefore one may comment on how enjoyable or interesting it is earlier. I'm not 100% though. Most of the time you can tell from one episode how good a TV show is going to be. It's rare, though not unheard of, for a TV show to be significantly different by the end and even in those rarer cases there are usually hints of greatness be it the creators' pedigree or the general vibe. I think the best course of action would be to do regular game and music reviews with occasional film, TV and book reviews when something interests me. Hopefully I will be consuming these for fun and if I am then why not write about it?
In order to fund the video game blogging I may need to get a job, even just something part time. I really don't want to use up my funds if I can help it and I think I should branch out (even if I start with the games I already own it'll take some time but I will eventually need more to keep this going). Also I definitely don't plan on stopping the random posts like this that are more personal though I may separate the two blogs to keep things tidy. Not sure about that yet, maybe people will be interested in what's going on in my life (assuming there will be things going on in my life by the time other people are reading this, I don't think anybody else would be interested in me saying "Namaste" to some random bloke).
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